Another Trigger.

A couple of weeks ago, I broke my son. During a very weak moment, I shattered his little heart in a way I thought would be irreparable. Though at the time, I didn’t think he’d really take notice what I was saying. He did understand, and took responsibility for all of my misery. We spent the evening trying to repair what I’d broken. His words of comprehension struck right through my heart, as my words of despair struck right through his. He understood so much more than I would’ve thought possible. I prayed for forgiveness and prayed for his heart, which I’ve always said is one of the biggest hearts I know.

In the morning, he told me his heart was in one piece again. He told me that even though we couldn’t fix it last night, sometimes, you just need to keep trying and eventually it works. I basked in his wisdom that day, rehashing everything we’d said and done, and figuring out if I could permanently undo the damage. We had another heart-to-unbroken heart that night, and I knew it would be okay. He sprang right back to normal, a whole lot faster than I thought he would.

After those two days of emotional turmoil, I wanted to shop. Shop, shop, and shop. I had unloaded all that gunk and wanted to get back to my normal.

Several days and tons of wasted internet-shopping time later, I recognized it as a trigger, that post-upheaval time. I figured the misery itself would be a trigger, but no, the desire to shop came after the emotional repairs were underway and everyone was feeling better. Interesting, and unexpected.

My other shopping triggers have been a surprise as well: sheer exhaustion and sunny, bright weather. I would think that melancholy, gloomy weather, or boredom would be triggers for me, but they don’t seem to be.

I don’t go through emotional upheavals very often, but I’ll be keeping an eye on this one. I’ll also make sure not to break my son’s heart again.

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