One of my goals is to fill my life with something positive. I haven’t started on that yet, but it is bubbling to the surface.
It’s strange. Since having a family, I’ve become more self-centered and shallow. My insides have become empty, except for the remarkable love that I have for my husband and children. But there has been no desire to help anyone but myself. I haven’t liked having “me” — my life, my wants, my schedule — interrupted.
Much of what I have cared about over the past six years is how to get more sleep, how to offload my kids when they are challenging, and how to get more shopping time in, and how to speed up time so that being a mom wasn’t so time-consuming and all-encompassing anymore.
Now that I’ve finally put this into words, I am ashamed and disgusted.
This is going to take priority over all. I am going to become a person of substance. I need to view motherhood as the vocation that it is, instead of a job that I temporarily don’t like and sometimes want to quit.
Prayers and positive thoughts appreciated…