Category Archives: Failure

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What I Know.

Shopping. It’s what I do when I’m bored, tired, angry, anxious, annoyed, overwhelmed, or elated. It’s my default activity for when I want to feel something other than what I’m feeling. It’s my default activity, period.

At some point during the winter, I started online window shopping again. It quickly went from sporadic to daily. At first I justified it by telling myself I needed to stock up on winter items that were on clearance. Then I justified it by telling myself I need a new spring/ summer wardrobe (which is true). I had the sense to not buy winter items; I want this blasted winter to be gone, and want no reminders of it. I also have the sense to be very picky and restricted with spring/summer items. I want to make absolute sure that I don’t end up with a closet full of neglect and regret.

Still…I keep shopping and researching, researching and shopping. Oh, and spending. I keep telling myself that I haven’t been spending much because I’m being so picky, but after checking my records today, I see that I’m a thousand percent mistaken. It’s a terrible sign that I can’t even remember the few items I’ve only just purchased this month. Then again, they are out of sight since they are not weather appropriate.

I need warm weather so that I can be motivated to work out regularly again. Shopping is drowning me right now.

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Scattered.

There’s a reason I haven’t been posting. I am scattered, and struggling to keep myself together. This winter has been going on too long and I’m tired of being cold and unmotivated. I haven’t been able to work out regularly due to injury, schedule, and surgery. I’m still getting used to my work commitment, while working around school schedules. I need a breather, completely by myself.

I’m taking that breather in a couple of weeks. Though, I won’t be alone. One of my style mentors is coming to the area so I’m joining a great group of women, whom I’ve never met, for a day that sounds insanely fun! I decided to stay in a hotel, blissfully sans kids, for the night.

Ahhhh…Style, fashion, and not-the-mama for a day. My kids get a special treat while I’m away. “Frozen” is hiding in the closet for them!

I’ll post about my shopping struggles soon. In my scattered state, I’ve been clinging to what I know, trying to ground myself. It’s not working. It never works.